Thursday, November 12, 2009

"She's Not a Ho... Anymore"

Hoes. What an interesting topic of discussion. They're everywhere, and everyone knows that they're hoes except for them, right? Well, not necessarily...

I was recently having a conversation with a friend of mine who brought up the importance of someone's sexual past. His overall question was, basically, how important is it if a girl slept with a lot of guys in her past? And is it worth wifing up a chick that was a ho at some point in her life? I thought those were both valid questions, and we shared our views back and forth. But, since none of you were able to eavesdrop on our conversation (unless you stole my IP address), I will share our conclusions here.

The topic of hoes is nothing new to Red Light, Green Light; about a year ago, I dedicated a blogcast to discussing hoes (click here). Then, about four months back, I shared a blogcast with some friends in which the topic of hoes was raised once more (click here). But I think what sets this post apart is the notion of actually taking a ho seriously.

First off, how do we even know that a girl is a ho? Most of what we hear are rumors, anyway. Some are true, but most are exaggerated. For instance, if a girl sleeps with three different football players, the story usually somehow becomes that the girl let the entire offensive line run a train on her. You see what I mean? Little of what you hear should ever be taken for face value.

On the flip side, what if that stuff actually is true? Do you wanna be the guy who makes the train conductor your wifey? Probably not.

I think it's safe to assume that no one wants to date a ho or a former ho. But now, that raises two subsequent questions. First off, are there such things are former hoes? Is it possible for a girl who was once a ho to change her ways? Personally, I would argue yes. Everyone makes mistakes, whether they be sexual or otherwise. Some learn from those mistakes, others do not. But to judge someone for the rest of their lives based on a phase they went through is somewhat unfair. So yes, I do believe in ho reform.

The second question - and, really, the most important one - is, why are we so scared to get into a relationship and find out that our girlfriend used to be a ho? Are we really that judgmental? To this second question, I would also argue yes. And no. See, it's complicated. I think that, yes, there are certain men who want every girl they date to be as clean as a whistle with no dirty laundry to be found (even if the man himself was a ho for half his life, but I'll save the Double Standard Discussion for another day). But I think that the large majority of men who worry about a girl's sexual past don't really care themselves, but instead are worried about what other people will think.

Let's be honest here: As men, we like to showcase our women. We like to introduce a lady friend to our homeboys so that they can tell us, "Wow! She's great! I really like her, and she's gorgeous! I can't believe you pulled that off! You're the man now, dog!" But what if our friends know she used to be a ho? How proud are we then? Even worse, what if one of our friends slept with her??

Personally, I would never enter a relationship with a girl my friend banged. I might hook up with her, whatever whatever, but I'm never going to be able to take her seriously. If she wants me to wife her, she better keep that a secret and pray to the almighty heavens that I never find out.

Above all, I think one of the main factors that men consider when we enter relationships with a woman is homeboy approval. Yes, it's right up there with actual compatibility. If we fear that our friends will never accept you as a quality girlfriend, there are very slim chances that you'll ever become one. And we know it works the same with women. That's why a smart man always makes sure he's on his girl's friends' good side. Because if the homegirls don't like you, they'll talk about you. And we already know how that winds up...

So, in conclusion, I think what my friend and I ultimately decided was that a girl's sexual past really doesn't matter that much. it's all in what you know. A girl could have been a major ho in high school, but if you met her in college after she suddenly transformed into a good girl, you'd be none the wiser. And really, would you want to know she used to be a ho? I doubt it. It's a reputation thing above all else. We don't want to know the dirty little secrets, because they would taint the image we've built. And trust, EVERYONE has skeletons in their closet. But we don't want to know about them, and we want to make sure our friends don't know about them, either.

In the end, it's just like they say in that old cliche: Ignorance is bliss.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

The "Daddy" Complex

So, while I was driving back home from Atlanta this evening I was listening to Tupac's Makaveli's classic album The Don Killuminati: The 7 Day Theory, which was also the last album he released before he died. As I was riding out, one of the songs caught my attention. Track number 7, which you can listen to here, is called "Just Like Daddy."

Anyway, the song got me thinking. What does he mean when he says he's just like Daddy? The girl he's talking about in the song is a woman who's neglected at home, whose father died when she was young, and who gets the love she desires from her boyfriend/ jumpoff/ whatever Tupac is represent. Given the context clues (hip-hop is educational), I assume what he means is that their romantic relationship is her substitute for the father-daughter relationship she never had.

Then, my mind took it a step further. I wondered if this is kinda what it means when a girl refers to her boyfriend as "daddy" or gives a man this paternal nickname in bed. Is she really saying that she wants him to be the father she never had (through the use of his d*ck)??

I've always been fascinated by the "daddy" complex, or concept, or what have you... Well, maybe not fascinated, but considering that I've never experienced it first-hand, I've always wondered how weird it would be if a girl called me "daddy" in bed. Would I be creeped out? Would I just stop what I was doing?? Would I ...*gulp*... like it?

I also wondered what would spur a woman to call a non-related man "daddy", especially in a sexual setting. Is it like some weird Freudian thing that I don't really get?

Suffice it to say, I still don't really get it. I know I've asked girls this question before, and most of them say they also think it's weird and that they've never called anyone "daddy". Of course, someone had to have done it, or else we never even would have heard of this practice. Maybe some of the girls I asked have said it before, but they're too embarrassed to admit it. I suppose I'll never really get to the bottom of the issue until I experience it for myself and someone calls me "daddy"...

What do you think?