Saturday, November 13, 2010

Chivalry Is Sooo 20th Century...

We all know the facts. We've all heard the statistics, read the books, and watched the specials. Most educated black women are single. Sure, 50% of marriages in America end in divorce, but these chicks can't even get married to know what divorce feels like. There have been too many reports, too many books from comedians, and too many blog posts addressing the issue. Hell, I even talked about it on this blog a while ago. So I won't even bother to belabor the point any further. It is what it is.

Anyway, I found myself on this blog the other day, and I was really enjoying the posts and the blogger's point of view. After some perusal, I stumbled upon this post. The video in particular got me thinking, specifically the part when they pointed out that 42% of black women have never been married. They went on to say that because black women outnumber black men by so much, even if every black man in the country married a black woman, 1 out of every 12 black woman would still wind up single. Wow. Then when you eliminate the ones without an education and the ones in jail, the pickings for black women becomes quite slim.

Naturally, I looked at this information from the perspective of a black man. I realize how much of an advantage this puts me in. As a matter of fact, I've seen it first-hand. As a new resident to the DC area, I've quickly come to realize just how easy it is to meet women. Being a decent-looking, young black guy with an education pretty much gives you a bevy of options in the black dating world. Automatically, men such as myself are a commodity. And we have become very aware of this fact.

Which brings me to the main point of this post... I recently saw a friend post this on her blog asking why men aren't as chivalrous and romantic as they used to be. Being the higher-level thinker that I am, I decided to access my prior knowledge and came to a simple conclusion: Because black women are at such a disadvantage nowadays and because they've made such a point to declare their frustrations publicly, we men are quite aware that we have the upper hand in every romantic situation. Therefore, chivalry and other things that men used to do to woo women have become less necessary.

When we get into relationships with women nowadays, we know that they want things to work more than we do. They're more invested, because the odds are against them. We're the commodity. So, for that reason, we have to do a lot less to get their attention. They need us a lot more than we need them. You know that phrase, "There's plenty of fish in the sea"? Well, it still applies for us, but not so much for them anymore.

I know what some of the women reading this are thinking: So, what happened to doing things for women simply because you want to? Can't a man just show me love and affection because he cares about me? Why does a man need a reason to be romantic?? Those are all nice questions, and truth be told, a man still CAN be chivalrous. But the fact of the matter is that a man no longer HAS to be chivalrous. Back in the day, men did everything they could to try to impress women because we knew that they had what we wanted (take a guess) and that in order to get it we had to go hard to prove ourselves. After all, she could have any man that she wanted.

But guess what happened? Women can no longer have any man that they want. Most women nowadays can't even meet a decent guy. 1 for every 12, remember? So when an educated man meets a young lady, he knows that his credentials alone will allow him to get by with minimal effort. It sounds unfair, and that's because it is. But these are the breaks.

So, for black women wondering why chivalry is dead, simply take a look at the statistics. We don't have a biological clock. You need us more than we need you. Sorry. But not really.


Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

Is the writer of this blog the same person I knew since way back when? "But guess what happened? Women can no longer have any man that they want." I beg, beg, beg to differ. So chivalry is supposedly dead because the educated black man now feels that he is a commodity? (Chucking a giggle)

Let me just add that I do not believe in chivalry and I agree with most of your arguments. On the contrary, I believe that a woman can have ANY man she wants so long as she does not have a list of extraneous, superficial or an unending list of qualities/attributes for her "ideal guy." I mean there is guy/girl out there for everyone. This belief that "a good black is hard to find" is nothing but a LIE. The good black man is out there. Either a) She just hasn't found him yet or b.) she's not attracting him right (but this is a totallly different topic)